Whad up fanz?
I iz back – yeahh! 2012 iz gonna rock to da beat of da Ali H on da podium. Me is bitchin n itchin ta get in me new motta dat da Woking Massiv haz built for me.
I iz headin to da Ciruit of Barcelona where I iz gonna rock da standz wiv da sound of my Mercedes V8. My bro in da team, Beardy Jense, he iz gonna try me motta out to and we iz gonna take it to da Red Bull hommies.
During da winta I az been ‘angin out wiv my main men in da States. I az been showin me skilz on da ski slopes as well az dat I iz da fashun icon of da F1 world. Me iz looking wikid in some well cool threds (I even managed to slide a t-shirt inta ma bag widdout dem noticing – ya nah wha I sayin?).
I az gotta be saying – da new mottaz from da uva teamz iz looking well rank. Da Woking Massiv has come up wiv anuva well cool n wikid motta, but da Ferrari – jeez man, me eyez duz hurt just looking at dat. Dat is one fugly car.
So, I iz gonna be keeping ya well up ta date wiv all me dipz n divez, trickz n tipz during da season when we duz kick off in da home of da Hammy donut, Melbourne is Oz. Man, I still can’t work owt ow come I duzn’t fall off da earf when I duz go dare.
I az also been asked to point owt dat you should get ya own fantasy F1 Rouges team for da year and see if you can pick da baddest bad ass team of da year – good luck.
Anywayz – enough for now – gotta keep ya wanting more – just like da laydeez. Don’t forget to keep up with da original homeboy – Crazy Dave on da sniffpertrol.com and see ow da tighty whiteys iz doing.
For now – shizzle.
I iz well sad.
Last weekend we az lost wun ov Britain’z great drivaz. Rest in da Peace my man Dan. Yooz iz not gonna be forgotten, no way man.
I is also expecting dat you az also av seen in da papersz dat, I az split up wiv Nikole. Now dat duz meen I iz well available for da laydeez, but I iz like, not appi n stuff, n dat am make me not well up for it.
Anuva ting what az appened woz dat Pointy Finga duz go n win da Gee-to-da-Pee of Korea wen I diz get da pole. Me mota from da Wokin Massiv just dint wanna go round da cornarz like it shood. Still, I got a well wacki bit ov bling for me sideboard.
Also, I duz get accused of copying dat Crazy Dave man wot iz over on da sniffpetrol.com website. Now, dare aint no way I iz eva gonna wear da tighty-whitey jeans n trim my ed so it looks square. He iz well old skool n retired n stuff. Also, he duz accuse sum people of avin sex wiv dare own mummeez. Plus he iz only interested in da ladeez, whereas, I likez da laydeez. Dare az be a well big difference between dem I tellz ya – whateva ticklez ya fanci, eh CD?. And, lastly, I az won da big dog prize at da end ov da year, n he aint n neva will – Boomshakalakahhhhh!!!
Anywayz, I iz off to Indya next week for some racin n stuff. Being well efnik, I will be avin sum ov da local food, like curry flavah Pot Noodle (other noodle based pot snacks are available) n, well, probably just da Pot Noodlez actually. I will keepz ya well updated n stuff on ow great I iz.
Yo fanz, I expect yooz is expecting me to dis my man Massa after he duz touch da Ham after da Gee-to-da-Pee of Singapore today. Well, let me tell ya, I iz a much bigga man dan dat – in so many wayz – Ya nah wha I’m saying laydeez? Ya get me?
I wuz well frikin unhappi wiv da stewardz for once again giving me a penaltee for a little mistake. Duz day ave no idea ow close dat waz between being a near mizz and me breaking my wing? I mean, I duz get da penaltee by avin to go n see da Woking Massiv an extra time anywayz.
Still, despite ma penaltee, I duz spank da Brazillian – I iz well quicka dan you – do yooz unda stand da message? Boo-ha-ha-ha.
He duz den cum up me when I iz speekin to da membarz of da press n give me a shuv. Hey man, mind da threadz.
Also, just to make it worse, pointy finga did win agen wiv beardy Jense second and da old man of Oz in fird. But I did still get some good pointz to impress da beauteez of Singapore.
Furthermore, once I have had some time to reflect, I will join my team for a corporate event and full de-brief before having dinner with guests of Vodafone McLaren Mercedes. Be safe, I love you all and will see you in Japan.